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The Impact of Media Ideals on Personal Happiness

Have you ever pondered a world devoid of television, newspapers, and magazines? Imagine a life unswayed by the media’s fabricated images of perfection and success. If our realities were shaped solely by direct experiences, would the specter of depression still loom for chasing an unattainable ideal? The allure of a flawless existence—magnificent homes, celebrity, wealth, and aesthetic beauty—is a mirage perpetuated by the media. Such perfection is a myth, an unachievable standard that leaves us grappling with disillusionment. The truth is, every aspect of what we consume is curated, from the narratives of reality shows to the stories we follow.

In my younger years, I would envision my life as if it were a cinematic masterpiece, a seamless blend of fantasy and desire. With each passing phase, I endeavored to embody an unfeasible persona, and with it, happiness eluded me, for I was always in pursuit of the next unobtainable thing. Now, in moments of reflection, I recognize the countless experiences that slipped by—not for lack of presence, but because my heart and mind were elsewhere.

In the relentless pursuit of validation, we often become actors on the stage of life, performing for an audience we believe holds the key to our worth. This ceaseless striving to impress others can lead us to miss the genuine moments that make life truly rich. We are present, yet not fully—our minds preoccupied with crafting the perfect image, the right words, the most impressive achievements. It’s a chase that leaves us breathless, not from the exhilaration of living, but from the exhaustion of pretending.

The irony is profound: in seeking admiration, we overlook the simple joys that deserve our full attention. The laughter of loved ones, the quietude of a morning sunrise, the spontaneous conversations that meander into deep connections—all sacrificed at the altar of approval. It’s only when we pause the performance and step off the pedestal that we realize happiness was never in the applause. It was in the unscripted, imperfect, and beautiful moments of being truly ourselves, surrounded by those who cherish not the mask, but the authentic soul beneath it.

Life’s fleeting moments often slip past unnoticed as we chase the elusive narratives spun by the media. Now, as I sift through photos of my existence, I yearn to hold onto those memories a bit tighter. I seek to immerse myself once more in the warmth of Cancun’s sun, to be enveloped by the laughter that echoed across Cabo San Lucas’ sands, and to sway to the Caribbean rhythms that once guided us on the dance floor of a cruise ship. The roar of the crowd at sports arenas, the intimate melodies of guitar strings at concerts, and the serene whispers of mountain trails linger in my mind—their sounds as clear as the day they first resonated. I long for the days of wildflower hunts with my daughter, the tranquil strolls with my dogs by the river’s edge, and the Zambian sunsets, a canvas of fiery tranquility. These moments, vibrant and enduring, are the hues that should illustrate my life’s rich narrative.

I may not have a picture-perfect life, but my existence is not lacking; it is replete with a rich tapestry of locales, faces, and adventures that have graced my journey. As I gaze ahead, I eagerly anticipate the myriad of experiences the next half-century holds.

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Attitude

“It often takes just a single brave person to change the trajectory of a family, or any system for that matter.” – Brené Brown; Rising Strong.

Have you ever woken up on the wrong side of the bed? The alarm fails to go off, your coffee spills, and traffic seems ten times worse than usual. When everything that could go wrong does, we tend to blame it on the full moon or the alignment of the stars, as if everyone’s agitation is synchronized. The truth is, our attitude influences how people treat us and how we perceive others. You’ve heard the saying, “One bad apple can spoil the whole basket.” Conversely, one good seed can create a beautiful garden.

Imagine a field of wildflowers. The wind scatters seeds across a vacant lot or even into a front yard, and soon, flowers bloom where none stood before. These flowers can form a stunning bouquet for your home or office, shared with neighbors or friends. If the flowers in your yard are particularly beautiful, they might cause passersby to slow down or even detour just to admire them.

Flowers have the power to brighten a gloomy room and introduce beauty where it was absent, altering the atmosphere. How do you change the atmosphere around you? Are you the source of joy and light in a room? Do you make every place you visit better for everyone? Are people comfortable being themselves around you? Does your cheerful outlook boost others’ confidence? Do they leave your presence smiling, encouraged to do better? “The longer we walk in the garden, the more likely we are to smell like flowers,” says Max Lucado.

When things go awry, it’s not about who’s at fault. What matters is your attitude, and you are solely responsible for it. When I choose positivity, I am happier, and it seems to rub off on those around me. Everyone carries an element, an environment, and an energy. How aware are you of yours? Every flower starts from a seed, and the flower’s potential depends on what we do with that seed. Do you want to be happy tomorrow? Then sow seeds of happiness today.

A centenarian once reflected on his life, saying, “I don’t have many failures. If I’m making a cake and it fails, it becomes pudding.” His optimism redefines what many would consider a failure into a success. While in prison, I maintained a daily journal, expressing gratitude for my freedoms—a surprising sentiment given my circumstances. My job allowed me to leave the prison yard four days a week, providing a semblance of freedom. I chose to focus on these liberties rather than wallow in self-pity, and each day, I found joy in them.

The happiest and most successful people possess the best attitudes. Attitude is essential for navigating tough times. You can’t afford to let your spirits drop when it matters most. Remember, attitude isn’t hereditary—it’s contagious. Don’t be the source of negativity in your circle, and resist being dragged down by others’ misery. Lay the groundwork for positivity with better habits.

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What You Can Control

“The only thing you can control is your reaction to things out of your control.”

–Bassam Tarazi

Strolling along the track this afternoon, I found myself immersed in the wisdom of a motivational podcast. Just as the speaker reached a pivotal insight, the roar of two military jets pierced the sky, momentarily eclipsing the podcast’s narrative. Slightly irritated, I retrieved my tablet, unlocked it, and rewound the audio to recapture the missed wisdom. Yet, as the speaker resumed, another duo of jets thundered past, once more snatching away the words. It was then that frustration began to bubble within me, and I caught myself in the absurdity of the moment. Was I genuinely perturbed by the routine training of military jets, merely because they intruded upon a decade-old podcast on productivity?

The emotion was clear: irritability. Defined as being easily annoyed, I stood there, irked by the U.S. Military’s aerial maneuvers disrupting my pursuit of knowledge from yesteryear. Recognizing the silliness of my reaction, I made an effort to dissect my feelings further to unearth the root of my agitation.

Confronted with a disturbance utterly beyond my control, I pondered my options. Would I reach out to the Air Force base, requesting they keep the noise down? No, I needed to concentrate on the elements within my grasp. Several alternatives presented themselves:

  1. Embrace the interruption, pausing my podcast to savor the unexpected aerial display—a free spectacle gracing the skies.
  2. Reflect on the purpose behind these exercises, acknowledging that they equip the Air Force to safeguard my family, our liberties, and our way of life.
  3. Succumb to frustration, risking damage to my tablet and forfeiting not only the podcast’s insights but also the myriad of entertainment and communication it facilitates.

As my walk concluded, I was keen to document my musings, preserving this lesson in emotional stewardship for future encounters. While the actions and events around me may be beyond my command, my reactions and inner state remain mine to steer. I might not have the power to silence infantile chatter or ceaseless swaying, but I can govern my internal landscape, choosing either to shift my attention outward or to center it within through meditation.

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Self-Acceptance

What they say about you has nothing to do with you.

Do you often find yourself affected by the perceptions of others, even if they are strangers? Just today, while strolling through my neighborhood, I paused at a corner, anticipating a car’s typical disregard for pedestrian right-of-way. Predictably, the driver gestured impatiently when I hesitated to cross. This brief interaction left me feeling inexplicably guilty, as if I had inconvenienced her somehow.

It is peculiar, isn’t it? The driver, a complete stranger, would likely pass unrecognized in any other setting, yet her fleeting disapproval weighed on me. This sensitivity to others’ opinions has long been a personal struggle, one that extends to friends, family, and even passersby. It is a challenge to feel at ease with oneself when constantly seeking approval.

However, I have been working on this issue. It requires deliberate self-affirmation and the realization that it’s not my duty to please everyone. As I continued my walk, I consciously dismissed the driver’s reaction from my mind. She moved on with her day without giving me another thought, and I decided to do the same.

Embracing this approach doesn’t mean ignoring my emotions; rather, it’s about managing them constructively. I chose to see the positive in the situation: the driver did stop, and I wasn’t in a rush. There is a certain sadness in living life so hurriedly. With a smile, I shifted my focus to the surrounding beauty, and by the block’s end, the incident was a distant memory.

Reflecting on similar experiences, I realize how often I have allowed others’ opinions to dictate my happiness. They continue on, oblivious, while I am left to grapple with the unnecessary distress. It’s a pattern I’m learning to break, one step at a time.

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My Self-Love Journey

There were moments when I felt inadequate, and these weren’t isolated incidents. During middle school, a long-time friend abruptly ended our friendship without any prior conflict, leaving me bewildered and questioning my worth. This pattern repeated itself in adulthood when another close friend decided to part ways, reinforcing the notion that I was somehow deficient as a companion.

Initially, I was consumed by the desire to prove myself, to transform into someone so remarkable that they would regret their decision and seek reconciliation. But this pursuit only led me to lose sight of my true self, as I strived to conform to expectations that weren’t my own. It became clear that the person I was trying to be was not the one being rejected; it was the facade I had constructed.

Years have passed, yet the memories linger, stirring up feelings of wanting to vindicate myself. Despite this, I recognize that their opinions hold no weight in my current life. I am the sole architect of my identity and my future. The past is immutable, but the path ahead is mine to shape through wise choices and daily efforts to evolve into the finest version of myself.

Hard work, determination, and resilience are the tools I will wield to forge my destiny. While material achievements are enticing, they are not the source of true contentment. What I seek is autonomy—the liberty to manage my time, to lead my endeavors, and to be the master of my journey.

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Embracing Self-Love: A Transformative Journey

Embracing Self-Love: A Transformative Journey

“Internal change is the only thing that will change your life.” – Samuel Goldwyn

In the dissonance of life, amidst our bustling routines and ceaseless responsibilities, we often forget to turn our gaze inward. Yet, within the quiet chambers of our hearts lies a profound truth: self-love is the cornerstone of our well-being.

Picture this: You are a garden, tended by your own hands. Each petal, each blade of grass, whispers secrets of resilience and growth. But how often do you pause to water your own roots? How often do you bask in the sunlight of your own acceptance?

Self-love is not selfishness; it is self-preservation. It is the gentle act of cradling your vulnerabilities, acknowledging your worthiness, and nurturing your spirit. When you love yourself, you become a sanctuary—a place where compassion blooms, and healing takes root.

Tips for Starting Your Self-Love Journey

  1. Honesty in Expressing Disagreement and Disappointment
    • Authenticity fosters self-love. Speak your truth kindly, even when it is uncomfortable.
  2. Focus on What You Have Control Of
    • Personal growth is intentional.
    • Self-esteem is a skill.
  3. Physical Awareness: Listen to Your Body
    • Pay attention to physical sensations. A headache might signal stress, while a stomachache could indicate nervousness.
  4. Emotional Awareness: Connect Sensations to Emotions
    • Understand the emotional undercurrents of physical feelings. It is a powerful way to know yourself.
  5. Do not Lose Yourself While Living for Others
    • Serving others is noble, but not at the cost of your own well-being. Prioritize self-care and boundaries.
  6. Be Courageous: Ask for What You Need
    • It is not weakness; it is strength. No one can read your mind—express your needs.
  7. Learn to Say No Without Fear or Yes Without Resentment
    • Boundaries protect your well-being. Saying no or yes authentically is liberating.
  8. Admit Feeling Bad to Begin Feeling Better
    • Acknowledge pain, sadness, or discomfort. Healing starts with acceptance.
  9. Recognize Your Importance
    • Do not let other people’s opinions of you define you. You will never find happiness through others.
    • You are valuable, important, and worthy of respect. Believe it.
  10. Build Self-Esteem and Influence Others
    •  High self-esteem empowers you to embrace challenges and expect positive outcomes.
  11. Lift Others Up: Build Their Self-Esteem
    • Identify those you spend time with—family, friends, colleagues. Commit to uplifting them.
  12. Love Means Always Having to Show You are Sorry
    • Apologizing is essential but remember that self-love also means forgiving yourself. Acknowledge mistakes, learn, and move forward.
  13. Define What You Want In and Out of Life
    • Prioritize what matters:
      • In: Faith, health, financial stability, meaningful relationships, and simplicity.
      • Out: Negativity, unhealthy foods, debt, excessive TV, idleness, and comparison.

It is not about what the world thinks of me; it is about laying my head on the pillow at night and being happy with what I did and how I treated others that day.

In the past, I used food, money, sex, and material things to fill voids in my life. To feel successful, loved, important, and worthy. In reality, these things contributed to my unhappiness. Being true is the only thing that makes me happy.

Remember the words of Eudora Welty: “The excursion is the same when you go looking for your sorrow as when you go looking for your joy.” So, embark on this transformative journey—one that leads you back to yourself, bathed in the gentle light of self-love.

“You are an extremely valuable, worthwhile, significant person even though your present circumstances may have you feeling otherwise.” – James W. Newman

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Self-Sabotage

Breaking Free: Overcoming Self-Sabotage

Have you ever found yourself on the brink of success, only to sabotage your own efforts? I used to believe that my lack of self-discipline was the culprit. I’d meticulously plan out diets, only to regain the weight I’d lost and then some. But deep down, I knew there was more to it.

Epiphany struck: I wasn’t just afraid of failure; I was terrified of success. The chains of my inner prisons held me back. When I was thinner, attention followed me. Yet, I shied away from the spotlight. Compliments whispered behind my back were comforting, but public praise felt overwhelming. I constantly questioned my worth—was it others who made me feel inadequate, or was it my own self-doubt?

And then the “what ifs” flooded my mind. What if my book became a bestseller? What if I secured a major publishing contract? What if I stood before audiences, sharing my story on TV? But with fame came exposure—the unveiling of my hidden truths. Was I ready to embrace my authentic self?

For too long, I inhabited a make-believe world, playing roles that weren’t truly me. But what if I dared to shed those masks? What if I allowed my true self to emerge?

Self-sabotage became my twisted safety net. I’d plummet to rock bottom, forcing myself to rise again. That fleeting “high” fueled my confidence, and I’d set ambitious goals. Yet, as success loomed, I’d abruptly quit, erasing my progress and digging a deeper hole. Depression, failure, and excuses masked the truth: I chose to quit.

So, where would I be if I hadn’t abandoned my path? The “what ifs” are bitter pills to swallow. But here’s the real truth: you are in control. Break free from self-sabotage, embrace your journey, and let your true self shine.

Remember, your journey is uniquely yours. Embrace it, learn from it, and keep moving forward. 

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OCD Everyday

Embracing my current situation, I walk the paved portion of the yard and feel the December Arizona sun warm on my skin. A random selection of my favorite downloaded songs drowns the outside world around me. I am certain to remind myself over and over what lap I am on. I even hold my fingers a certain way, so I do not lose count. I have tried to convince myself to just walk until I do not want to walk anymore, but for some bizarre reason I need to hold myself accountable. I need to be able to measure everything I do. Each song is approximately three and a half minutes long, except “Biggest Part of Me,” which is closer to five. Okay, four songs and “Biggest Part of Me” is 3.5+3.5=7+7=14+5=19. According to the numerous times I have walked and timed my gait, it takes me two and a half minutes per lap. I am on lap seven…seven and a half.

The Prozac has sure helped me control my moods. It is also supposed to control my OCD, which I claim it has, however, as I walk the track and try not to step on the cracks, I realize I still have a long way to go. I cannot wait to get back to my bed and color some squares on my daily habit tracker. Walk, read, journal, brush teeth, pray, write, shower, and eat. A good day is coloring in every square. Even with this no-fail system, I still procrastinate on silly things like emails or meditation. One miss and I feel like a complete failure.

I am terrified of wasting time. Terrified to give up two years of my life and not become a better person. It is hard to just relax and do nothing. I need to read, write, or listen to an educational podcast. I rarely give myself time to put what I learn into practice. Always trying to juggle four or five tasks at a time. Afraid I will not have time to do it all yet occupy myself to the point where I do not really learn anything new. What is most important? What really matters? What will have influence in others’ lives? The more I try to figure these things out and search for answers, I realize I need to meditate intentionally day and night. Listen for the promptings of the spirit and soak in what I am learning and how I can apply it in my daily life.

Even though I am incarcerated, I have found a way to make a schedule and worry about not being able to keep up with my to-do list. In prison! How can one not have enough time in prison? I realized I was in the habit of filling my days with projects, so I felt busy. What I really need to do is find a way to make my time productive. What is most important to me? I decided to make a list and rank these things from highest importance to lowest. Little did I know how hard this task would be. Writing down the things I valued was easy; ranking them was not. This is when I realized I truly do not know who I am. My journey over the next months would tap into all these things.

Today I delve into my experience the last few years and how it led me to find my authentic self. I invite you to join me on this transformative voyage. Let us explore the twists and turns of life’s maze together, celebrating resilience, acceptance, and the beauty of being true to ourselves.