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Transform Your Life: Simplify, Plan, and Stay Motivated

The Nature of Passion: Embrace Change

When I was younger, I was passionate about Snoopy. Today, I’m indifferent and no longer desire to collect Snoopy memorabilia. Back then, I might have been known as “the girl who collects Snoopy memorabilia.” Now, my activities have changed. You are not defined by what you choose to do; you are defined by the effort you put into those activities. Passion is key to success in anything you pursue.

Time for a Fresh Start?

I love mornings, Mondays, new months, and new years. Each new beginning excites me with the possibility of changing my life’s direction. Monthly, I create new habit trackers, to-do lists, and goal lists. While I was incarcerated, I realized I needed to change my daily routine monthly to stay motivated and avoid boredom. Some habits remain consistent, but I generally create a new routine every month or two.

In my early twenties, moving to a new place was an opportunity to reset my life. I would clean out my closet, discard unused items, and create new routines. Today, moving is the last thing I want to do. Instead, I change my routine, deep clean, and organize my space to satisfy my need for novelty.

Finding Joy in Movement

I love walking outside in new places, enjoying nature, nice neighborhoods, and getting lost in the beauty around me. I hate walking on a treadmill—it bores me quickly, and my OCD kicks in as I obsess over tracking my time, distance, and calories burned. What changes do you need to guarantee success in your life?

For me, I dress in my workout clothes first thing in the morning, pack my work clothes, makeup, hair tools, breakfast, and lunch in my gym bag, and hit the gym at 5:30 am. This routine ensures I get my workout done and prevents me from spending money on unhealthy convenience store foods.

Planning Meals for Success

Another habit I practice is weekly meal planning. I plan at least five meals and shop for groceries on Sunday or Monday, so I know what we’ll be eating each evening. Waking up early allows me to prepare ingredients, ensuring I don’t get lazy and back out of making dinner. This habit has saved me and my partner from eating out or grabbing fast food countless times.

Making Discipline Easy

Discipline alone doesn’t work; you need to make tasks easy to accomplish. For instance, if all the ingredients for dinner are bought, cut, thawed, and ready to cook, you’re more likely to stick to your dinner plans because it’s easier.

I struggle to sit at my desk and work on my book. I’ve found that a cute coffee shop, library, or other inspiring location helps me get excited about writing. It gives me an excuse to get out of the house and experience new places while making progress on my book.

Simplify Your Goals

  1. Lose Weight – Buy fun, healthy foods. Shop at a new grocery store. Find easy, new recipes you want to try.
  2. Exercise – Make morning gym visits easy. Pack your bag and lay out clothes the night before. Explore new locations, take dogs to the dog park, choose a new trail weekly, walk while golfing, or stroll in a beautiful neighborhood.
  3. Write a Book – Plan inspiring places to write that get you out of the house and keep you motivated.

Show Up Where the Work Gets Done!

Run experiments. Try a library, coffee shop, park, or gym. Don’t be afraid to change and experiment often. I know I need new experiences to stay motivated.

Schedule Your Goals

Have time, location, start time, and stop time scheduled before you start. Leverage your goals by marking them on the calendar. Can you overlap two goals to get both done simultaneously? For example, take your dogs to the dog park and walk with them.

I would love to hear about your hacks around simplifying tasks and leveraging new experiences.

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Self Love

For years, I battled an invisible enemy: my own reflection. Each glance in the mirror shattered the image of the flawless, movie-ready persona I’d painstakingly constructed in my mind. This fictional version of myself—a tall, blonde-haired, blue-eyed beauty with effortlessly perfect hair—was my armor. Confronting my true self threatened to erode the fragile confidence I projected to the world. 

In reality, I was a tall woman with big bones and big breasts, hazel eyes, and dirty blonde frizzy hair that refused to cooperate. My fingernails were thin and weak, my wide feet bore the scars of broken pinky toes, and my round face boasted “chipmunk” cheeks.

My nose, though average, always seemed just a bit too large. Despite being underweight at times, my stomach muscles remained elusive, and my style—a mishmash of Gap sale items and occasional splurges from Nordstrom—never felt truly mine. 

Caught between wanting to be a girly-girl and rejecting the tomboy label, I longed to be anyone but myself. I yearned to be shorter, thinner, prettier, classier, petite, and naturally beautiful. Yet, the only thing I could control was my demeanor, and even that felt like a lie. How could I learn to love and accept myself when I couldn’t even bear to look in the mirror? What did others see that I couldn’t? And why was I so terrified of facing the truth? 

The turning point came one bleak winter evening. After an exhausting day at work, I collapsed onto my couch, scrolling aimlessly through social media. Picture after picture showcased lives that seemed perfect—vacations in exotic locations, radiant smiles, flawless bodies. Each post was a painful reminder of what I wasn’t. My chest tightened, and tears welled up in my eyes. 

In the depths of my despair, a thought pierced through the fog of self-loathing: What if I tried to see myself through someone else’s eyes? What if I could capture even a glimpse of the value others might see in me? 

With a surge of determination, I picked up my phone and called my best friend, Lucy. As soon as she answered, I poured out my heart, revealing the insecurities and self-doubt that had plagued me for so long. There was a moment of silence on the other end before she spoke with surprising gentleness. 

“You’re not alone in feeling this way,” Lucy said. “But you need to understand that we love you for who you are, not who you think you should be. You have a heart that’s big enough to hold all our secrets, a laugh that lights up the room, and a strength that inspires us every day.” 

Her words hung in the air, and for the first time, I let them sink in. Maybe, just maybe, there was a different narrative I could embrace—one that didn’t require perfection but celebrated authenticity. 

Over the next few months, I embarked on a journey of self-discovery. It wasn’t easy. There were days when the mirror was still my enemy, and the old doubts crept back in. But I started to make small changes: I practiced gratitude, focusing on the things I appreciated about myself and my life. I surrounded myself with people who uplifted me and made me feel valued. I sought out activities that brought me joy, rather than those I felt I should enjoy to fit a certain mold. 

Slowly, the fictional character I’d created in my mind began to fade, replaced by a more genuine version of myself. I learned to love the things that made me unique—the quirks, the flaws, and the strengths. The mirror no longer held power over me; it became a reflection of the journey I’d undertaken. 

In time, I came to realize that self-love isn’t about achieving a perfect image. It’s about accepting and cherishing who you are, both inside and out. And as I stood in front of the mirror, I smiled—not because I saw a flawless figure, but because I saw someone who was learning to love herself, one day at a time. 

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Lost and Unseen: The Plight of Former Inmates

The lack of resources for inmates upon their release is a glaring issue. Many have lost their homes while incarcerated, and most have no money or family support. There needs to be a system in place to assist them. One woman, who had been physically abused, refused to return home. She left everything behind—her clothes, phone, and any semblance of security. They offered her numbers to call upon release, but without a phone or a single dime to her name, those numbers were useless. She said she would rather curl up behind a dumpster somewhere than face the uncertainty outside. Jail, for her, was a place of warmth, safety, and the guarantee of a shower and three meals a day. 

There should be a state representative available to meet with inmates before their release to help set up food stamps, emergency housing, transportation, and other essential services. The situation is even more dire for the mentally ill. They are often released with nowhere to go, leading them to end up back in jail or worse, dead. The mentally ill are not required to take medication while incarcerated, causing their conditions to deteriorate. One girl with severe schizophrenia had not taken her medication during her time in jail. We watched her mental state worsen until she had to be moved to the mental health ward. 

The cycle is vicious and unrelenting. Without proper support, these individuals are set up to fail. They need more than just a list of phone numbers—they need tangible assistance and a real chance at rebuilding their lives. The system must change to provide the necessary resources and support to help them reintegrate into society successfully. 

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Becoming Brave and Assertive in Tough Situations

One of the greatest areas of personal growth I experienced was learning to let go of what others thought of me. Initially, I was overly cautious about everything I did and said. I was terrified to speak up for myself, convinced that everyone was judging me constantly.

A defining moment of bravery and assertiveness occurred one day while I was standing in the medication line. The line would start forming an hour before the nurses arrived to dispense medication. By the time the nurses got there, the line stretched to 100-150 people—everyone took medication in prison! One afternoon, with nothing better to do, I ensured my spot was around number 15. The weather was perfect, and I was practicing patience.

After standing in line for over 45 minutes, the nurses finally arrived, and the line ahead of me suddenly doubled. I found myself around number 50. Though irritated, I was initially too afraid to say anything. These girls were tough, unafraid to start a fight, many of them with serious personality disorders and anger issues.

When the girl in front of me let four other ladies cut in line, I’d had enough. I spoke up, reminding them there was no cutting. The lady laughed it off, but I persisted. “I’ve been standing here for 45 minutes while these girls slept, smoked, and went about their day. If they want to be at the front, they need to arrive early like I did,” I said calmly.

Though the girl hurled profanities, I stood my ground. “If you want to let your friends cut in front of me, you’ll have to do it behind me,” I insisted, moving ahead of them in line. Despite the cussing, they didn’t try to touch me physically. Soon, everyone else in line started praising my bravery and told the lady that her group had to move behind them as well. Despite my fear of confrontation, I stood my ground and defended myself and others who were being wronged. A few days later, that same lady approached me in line to apologize.

Over time, I began to shed my shyness and fear of those around me. However, entering a new environment would often trigger my retreat back into a quiet, unassertive person, allowing others to walk all over me. After about a year, my timidity diminished. I became braver and gradually rid myself of the shyness that had plagued me all my life. Suddenly, I was no longer afraid to speak my mind, ask for what I needed, or express what bothered me. I found ways to approach people in a non-confrontational manner, maintaining kindness and earning respect in return.

Being surrounded by a diverse group of people for such an extended period completely transformed me. I observed others being their authentic selves, unafraid of judgment. Conversely, I saw people who conformed to those around them, losing their authenticity and looking ridiculous as a result. I longed to tell them to be themselves because mimicking someone else rarely resulted in a favorable outcome.

Bravery and assertiveness are crucial skills that can transform challenging situations into opportunities for growth and resolution. Whether you’re navigating a difficult conversation, standing up for yourself, or making a tough decision, these qualities can make a significant difference in your personal and professional life. Here’s how you can cultivate bravery and assertiveness:

Understanding Bravery and Assertiveness

  • Bravery is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to act despite it. It involves taking risks, facing uncertainty, and embracing vulnerability.
  • Assertiveness is the ability to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs confidently and respectfully. It’s about standing up for yourself while also considering the perspectives and rights of others.

Steps to Become Braver and More Assertive

  1. Self-Reflection
    • Understand your fears and what triggers them. Reflect on past experiences where you felt brave or assertive and identify what helped you in those moments.
  2. Set Clear Boundaries
    • Know your limits and communicate them clearly. Being assertive means respecting your own boundaries as well as others’.
  3. Practice Self-Compassion
    • Treat yourself with kindness and recognize that it’s okay to make mistakes. Self-compassion can boost your confidence and resilience.
  4. Communicate Effectively
    • Use “I” statements to express your thoughts and feelings. For example, “I feel [emotion] when [situation]” instead of blaming others.
  5. Face Your Fears Gradually
    • Start small and gradually take on bigger challenges. Each small victory will build your confidence and bravery over time.
  6. Visualize Success
    • Picture yourself handling tough situations with confidence and calm. Visualization can prepare your mind for real-life scenarios.
  7. Seek Support
    • Surround yourself with supportive people who encourage and believe in you. Sometimes, having a strong support system can make all the difference.
  8. Stay Grounded
    • Practice mindfulness and grounding techniques to stay present and focused during tough situations. This can help you remain calm and collected.

Embracing Challenges

Being brave and assertive doesn’t mean you won’t feel fear or anxiety. It means you acknowledge these feelings and move forward anyway. Each time you choose bravery and assertiveness, you strengthen these muscles, making it easier to handle tough situations in the future. Remember, growth often comes from stepping outside your comfort zone.

Embrace the journey, celebrate your progress, and keep pushing forward. You have the power within you to face any challenge with courage and confidence.

I hope this helps inspire you to tackle tough situations with bravery and assertiveness! If you have any specific scenarios please share! I want to hear your stories.

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Reasons To Toss Old Perfume and Other Advice

After twenty-eight months away, going through all my stored clothing, hygiene products, and other fun items felt like a massive shopping spree. It was a real treat to rediscover my collection of body lotions, makeup, and outfits—enough to keep me from shopping for quite a while.

Among my treasures was a box of perfumes, including some barely used, expensive brands. I started wearing a bit each morning, sure it would turn heads. One Tuesday afternoon, my husband asked if I’d been drinking. I laughed it off, but he insisted, saying I smelled of alcohol—a scent he recognized from his childhood around alcoholics.

It hit me: it could be my perfume. I sprayed a fresh spritz on my wrist, and sure enough, he confirmed it. I was mortified, recalling all the places I’d been smelling like that. Despite the cost, I knew it was time to throw out the old bottle. The perfume no longer served its purpose.

Think about the things you keep that no longer serve their purpose. Is it an out-of-style shirt, worn-out VHS tapes, or a tattered designer purse? We often hold onto items because of their cost, but they rarely retain their value. This clutter prevents us from making room for new, valuable items.

When we downsized a few years ago, we had to get rid of half our coffee mugs, kitchen tools, and clothes. Now, we only buy new items if they replace something we already have, saving us money and space.

November is my month to clear out my two storage units, practicing what I preach. I challenge you to get rid of one thing that no longer serves a purpose. Just one thing. Then, share with me what it was and how it made you feel!

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Reflections on Entitlement

Throughout my time in prison, I felt entitled to various things:

  • A bottom bunk
  • Being first in line
  • Better food
  • A specific shower stall
  • Space on the track to exercise
  • Room in my cubicle
  • Seeing my family
  • Holding my grandson
  • Access to phones
  • A better job
  • Better pay
  • A commuted sentence
  • More compassion
  • More praise
  • A window seat on the van
  • Medicine
  • A clean blanket
  • A specific bathroom stall and sink
  • Cleaning supplies
  • Leftover cookies in work lunch sacks

Why did I feel this way? Perhaps because I believed I wasn’t as bad as others or had worked harder. My education and socio-economic status made me feel superior. But in reality, I am no more entitled than anyone else. If I got a bottom bunk, someone else would still be on a top bunk. Why should I deserve it over them? I’ve never experienced a top bunk, and they might have been here longer than I have.

I want to learn humility. I want to willingly give up my privileges so others can experience the benefits I’ve always had. I aspire to be the person who lets others go first and takes the last spot. I want to find joy in being last, in giving someone else my last cookie or that piece of cake I really wanted. I can step aside, let someone go ahead of me in line. Offering isn’t being taken advantage of; it’s an act of generosity. I can give and still maintain my boundaries.

How important are these things today? My place in the She-Shack, my spot in the lunch line, which shower I get, sharing a 6×4 cubicle with an untidy person. The truth is, they are zero percent important. Tomorrow, you’ll feel the same about the things you give up today.

Looking back, I feel a deep sense of embarrassment over these entitlements. It’s humbling to realize how trivial and self-centered my demands were, especially when compared to the genuine needs of others. This reflection has taught me that true value lies not in what we claim for ourselves, but in what we willingly give up for the benefit of others.

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The Power of Religion in Prison

I have always been a spiritual person, but organized religion never appealed to me. Growing up in a religious family and community where over 90% of the people belonged to the same church, I had little exposure to other religions. This limited perspective led to a biased view. In college, a religious studies class further solidified my skepticism towards organized religion, as it delved into the origins and diverse beliefs of various faiths.

Fast forward thirty years, and I found myself incarcerated with women who, by all accounts, should have no interest in religion. The common perception is that prison equates to evil, suggesting a pervasive presence of negativity. However, I was astonished to discover that prison was one of the most spiritual places I had ever been. In a place where hope seemed lost, where lives were disrupted, and where families and friends had often abandoned them, religion provided a beacon of hope.

In prison, no one was judged for reading faith-based books or attending religious services. Whether it was Catholic, Christian, Seventh-day Adventist, or Muslim services, women attended to find solace and hope. For many, God was the only source of hope they had left.

One afternoon, while sitting under a tree, a woman mentioned she was going to Catholic services to partake in communion. This sparked a conversation about our diverse religious beliefs, and someone remarked, “I have never felt the spirit more strongly than I feel it here.” It wasn’t about a specific religion; it was about the freedom to worship in a way that brought hope, without judgment. Watching TBN or spending hours reading scriptures was respected and understood as a necessity during that time in our lives.

I realize that many people leave prison and never attend church or read the Bible again. But for some, the experience is transformative. Their transformation behind prison fences may inspire others, creating a chain of hope that extends beyond the prison walls. Access to a variety of religious materials in prison is as crucial as educational resources. It was the key to my success, and I witnessed its impact on many women. If my life was changed, imagine how many others could be transformed with access to religious materials.

How can we ensure that prisons continue to receive a diverse range of religious materials? Have you ever experienced spiritual influence in an unexpected place?

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Finding Joy in Unexpected Places

During my time in prison, I experienced moments of happiness that surpassed any I had known before. I made it my mission to find joy and savor each day, no matter the circumstances. This was still my life, and I could continue to grow and help others. Even behind the metal fences that separated me from the outside world, I found beauty.

How did I achieve this? By embracing mindfulness and living in the moment. Some days, it was watching the sunrise as we traveled to our job site. Other days, it was simply sitting on my bed, observing the interactions and banter around me. My situation forced me to notice the small details that often go unnoticed.

I had more time than ever to focus on self-improvement. I delved into religious studies, practiced French, read historical novels, and memorized metric conversions. Apart from working 4:30 am to 12:30 pm four days a week, the rest of the time was mine.

Being surrounded by people with diverse backgrounds provided endless learning opportunities. I witnessed practices, beliefs, talents, and routines I had never encountered before. Each person had a unique gift, whether it was crafting, threading eyebrows, or simply making others laugh.

I learned to value my relationships more deeply. Contact with loved ones became more frequent and heartfelt. My soul was cleansed of social media, and I felt compassion for those who used it to seek validation.

Have you ever found joy in unexpected places or during challenging times? How did you manage to find beauty and happiness despite difficult circumstances? I would love to hear your stories and experiences. Please share them in the comments below or reach out to me directly. Let’s inspire each other with our journeys and the lessons we’ve learned along the way.

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When Optimism Isn’t Enough: Identifying Depression’s Clues

Recognizing the Signs

One morning, I woke up feeling like a shadow of myself. The spark that once lit up my days had dimmed, leaving me feeling like just another face in the crowd. Then, a memory popped up on my Facebook page about signs of depression. To my surprise, every item on the list resonated with me. Was I really going through depression? I didn’t feel sad. I thought I was being optimistic. After all, hadn’t I been cured? Over the next day, I scrutinized every thought and feeling. Yes, I was in an episode of depression.

Understanding My Behavior

Depression doesn’t always look like sadness or isolation. For me, it was the subtle yet destructive habit of pushing people away with curt responses and irritability. I found myself snapping at loved ones and feeling annoyed by the smallest things. I was present, smiling, but not truly listening. Other behaviors that undermined my self-esteem included:

  • Unhealthy eating habits: Consuming foods that made me feel worse.
  • Disconnecting from friends and family: Making excuses about being too busy or having nothing to say.
  • Neglecting activities that are important to me: Writing, organizing, and basic self-care routines.

Reconnecting with My Values

Thinking you have it all figured out doesn’t mean you do. You still need to return to the basics, to the foundational practices that got you where you are. Personally, I need to reassess my values and principles and align my actions with them. They may evolve over time, as life changes. The key is knowing what’s most important to me and living in a way that supports those priorities. Otherwise, I drift away from what matters most, leading me away from my best self until I no longer recognize or love myself when I act against my values and principles.

Focusing on What Matters

I know I can succeed in my relationships with others. I have much to share. I am better than the person I’ve felt and believed myself to be over the past month. It’s time to reconnect with the relationships that matter most to me—my spouse, my family, my friends. These are the things that bring me happiness, not money, possessions, or my status in the workplace.

“Have you ever felt this way? What steps did you take to reconnect with your true self? Share your journey in the comments below.”